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we (finally) began our homeschooling journey in january 2013…in the middle of ella’s 1st grade year.

i have always wanted to homeschool but my sweet husband wasn’t quite ready for it when it came time for ella to begin kindergarten. he was on the fence but not quite ready to make that jump so i submitted to my husband and we enrolled ella in public school. after kindergarten my husband and i were on the same page and ready to leap into the big scary world of homeschooling. i picked out and ordered our curriculum and was extremely excited to start. one week prior to the start of the 2012-2013 school year we received a call for a sibling group in need of a foster home. we said yes and welcomed into our home a 2 year old little boy (one month older than our current foster son) and a 6 year old little girl entering the 1st grade just like ella. since we are not allowed to homeschool foster kiddos, we decided to enroll both ella and our new foster daughter into the public school ella attended her kindergarten year. we just didn’t feel like it would be fair to the girls to have them do different things. we wanted our new foster daughter to feel like she was just as much a part of our family as anyone else. our new foster kiddos were supposed to be with us for at least one year. they were with us for 2 week (that’s the nature of foster care…it’s terribly unpredictable).

we had to make a decision to either keep ella in public school another year, go ahead and take her out after only two weeks, or reevaluate things at the end of the first semester. we kept her there through the semester. come december…we were ready to start our homeschool journey.

then i got knocked up. haha! less than a month into homeschooling, i found out i was pregnant. what?!? and i immediately had “morning” sickness.

every. second. of. every. day.

headaches. migraines. nausea. vomiting. and other super fun pregnancy things.

every. second. of. every. day.

we didn’t do school for a week. then two weeks. then one month…

we have done a day of school here, a day there, but have failed to get in a solid week since january. i have agonized over this…trying to find good apps and/or games that ella can do on the computer and ipad in place of our lessons, having her at the very least read every day, crying, asking my sweet husband what we should do, knowing that ella will be continuing first grade through the summer…and even into the next school year if i don’t figure something out soon.

then i decided something. i decided that i would not feel guilty. i fully believe that God wants us to homeschool ella. and i know that He knew we would be getting pregnant. God paved the way for us to homeschool. and it was God who gave us this little miracle after trying to conceive for 6+ years.

the moment i let go. the moment i decided that i would not feel guilty. everything fell into place. i realized that our homeschooling doesn’t have to look like anyone else’s. i don’t have to follow the curriculum to the “t” and feel like i have failed if we skip a lesson or subject for that day. if our school year doesn’t follow the same calendar as the public school year, our neighbor’s school year, or my niece and nephews school year…it’s ok. if i use a trip to target to get in the days math lesson on counting money…it’s ok. if we don’t delve into our curriculum today because ella wants to learn about van gogh and try her hand at painting starry night…it’s ok. if the only science and history we get in for the rest of our school year is going to the zoo and museum…it’s ok.

i am new at this and i am learning. if i’ve learned one thing in the last 4 months it is this…my daughter learns more and has a lot more fun when mommy doesn’t stress. so i will not compare myself to other homeschool or non homeschool moms/families. i will take this one day at a time. i will chill out and turn to God for my help. no more homeschool guilt for this mom!